am I there yet?

I miss him. That's the truth. I wish he was here and i wish he was coming out with me tonight. My two sides are colliding and I even blame myself for feeling so vulnerable. I promised that i would not write about him but i can't resist it. The one thing that makes me calmer is that i've already lived this. I mean beginnings are always like this 'i wanna be with you all the time' thing. I'm just scared to throw myself into this and realize that this is not what i want.
Yesterday, after a 15 minute make out session with drink spillage all over the desk and computer (oh yeah baby, in my office...on the desk) i just felt really really happy and i haven't felt this way in a long time. Blame romantic movies, blame valentine's day, blame the media for adding sexual connotations to everything, but i came to the conclusion that it's good being with someone, even if for now we have no official status, which brings me to another event.
He asked me if we were going out and what was going on. I just found myself not knowing what to say or feel and trying to avoid the question. Why the hell should we define things? Why do we have to call it going out? So we become exclusive? Can't we just enjoy what we got and let go from the definitions? Well that's what i wanna do, at least for now. And that's what i told him. I have too much in my mind right now and to be brutally honest i'm scared shitless of commitment and i told him that too. All i heard him say is 'don't worry i understand' which made me like him even more. Yet, i couldn't help but wonder if we would ever have to define what's going on.

Well, valentine's day is coming and I know what i wanna give him (thing is i don't have much experience with valentine's day since, for some reason, in all my relationship something always happened before Valentine's day which led to a break up). I'm giving him kiss coupons. It's pretty cool and useful :)

And it's Kris's Bday. Thing is he only sent an email to everyone inviting to go to Peel Pub which i did not appreciate one bit, he should've called me after all it's not like we're not best friends right? Didn't like that. Anyways...gonna call him and bitch and make him come to dawson to see me.

The weekend is coming and i'm not really sure if i like that since i actually have to start my letter of intent and portofolio for university. It's ok i still have a couple of hours before it's saturday, so i'm gonna enjoy these hours as much as i can before i have to do the hard work (so typical of me!)